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I’m always nervous that I will run out of things to say. As someone who authors a blog, this is extremely frightening. I often go too long in between writing posts. Inspiration hits and then just fades away or doesn’t flow like I want it too. Sometimes what I’d really love to say is too personal and I’m not yet ready to share it on such an open forum. What I want most is to be uniquely real. I want to share as much as I can. I want you as a reader to scream YAS when you agree and more importantly LOL at my attempts to be funny.
I don’t want to bore you with the same old stories. I often highlight on my dating life — or lack thereof. L O L. I don’t want you to think thoughts about a partner consume me. They don’t. If anything I’m more afraid at the thought of settling versus finding someone in general. It makes me uncomfortable imagining being in a relationship that just exists. I want my person not a person…
I think everyone’s life can be viewed as a puzzle. Our families are built in pieces. We find friends and add those pieces to fit the bigger picture. Life choices, career moves, and hobbies all take up spaces as well. Some tiles are interchangeable as people come and go from our lives. I’m thrilled with the way my puzzle is coming together, but I know it lacks a defining piece. Notice the word choice there. Defining. No man will ever define me, but I say defining because I want my lovaaa to be a definition of love. More importantly, I want them to be my definition of love. I want them to stand for what it means to laugh, to care, to share — to truly be my other half.
I picture different people in my life as that piece. Some seem as though they could really fit. Some, on paper, make so much sense. It’s hard to know what to pursue and what to run away from. There are people who pop in to my life continuously and I have to wonder if it means something. This is where I get in trouble. I get lost in seeing the future before what is presently in front of me. I get caught up in the story before it is even told. This leaves me wanting things I can’t have. That can be tough.
I think the most basic thing we want when completing our puzzle is to be treasured. If caring is the equate brand then being cherished is designer. They both work about the same — but there’s just something about name brand that carries a little more weight. Being treasured gives you value and purpose. As humans — we are typically our best selves when we feel fully appreciated. We just want to be… enough. I don’t need a fairtytale. I don’t need treasure but add on that D and I’m set for life. {wink wink}
Coming in at a close second in the puzzle pieces of life is our ambition. It doesn’t play the same role for all. In my case — there are so many things I want to accomplish. Sometimes I can’t even keep up with the list. This piece often takes precedence over finding my person. I’m hesitant to love someone so much that I’m willing to give up my hopes and dreams. I think in the back of my mind I know how important it is to find someone who will let me shine, take risks, and shoot for the stars. I was reminded recently how tough that can be to support. I preach about being valued and sometimes chasing dreams leaves others feeling left out —unworthy. I’ve become so independent, maybe the thought of giving consideration to someone else above my desires keeps me aloof. Maybe that scares me more than not finding someone at all…
I almost didn’t write a section on how important friends are to our puzzles. (Cue “I’ll Be There For You" and images of colorful umbrellas.) The need for friendship is a given. We need people to hear our troubles, people to get into trouble with, people who will undoubtedly have our backs. Friends are necessary to our mental health. Sometimes they may drive us mental, but we couldn’t do life without them. My advice on friendship is to treat it like a relationship. You have to put in time to see others or keep up with others and if it comes to a point where it is no longer healthy — break it off. People really have trouble breaking up with friends. If you no longer mesh, its ok. Don’t feel like you have to stay connected to someone else because of nostalgia.
Puzzle pieces that are awfully important to one’s life — animal companions. Many view pets as children, best friends, or an all around necessity. I am currently PINING away for a dog. At this point I’m thinking: Australian Shepherd (keeping it in the fam.) Most importantly I want to name her Barbara. I’ll probably call her Barb or Barbie (Babs?) — but her official name will most definitely be Barbara. Why? Because its funny. When I tell people I’m hanging with her or walking with her they will assume its my Grandma. That just gets me tickled. PRAYING I get her for Christmas. HINT HINT NAE — I know you read this.
Another important piece of the puzzle — wine. I’ve recently been on some Olivia Pope shit, with a lot more wine and a lot less popcorn. After a long day — wine. After an awesome day — wine. After a hard day — whine with wine. It’s almost always the answer.
The point — we are always trying to make things fit: our puzzle pieces or different entities of life. People, dreams, work, interests, pets — they all fit somewhere. Finding our place and how the things we love fit is what keeps us going. It takes a lot of balance and blending. Some people are working with a jigsaw and others with those super huge kid friendly types.
Find your person. Find your circle. Do things that make you happy and try not to do things that don’t. We get to a point where it is eventually pretty tough to change the picture on the puzzle we have created. Be strong enough to realize when something isn’t right. Make good choices. Pick your pieces wisely and life will be good.
To my lovers and my haters:
Laters,
K
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