I've Been Thinkin, I've Been Thinkin....




First off: the title of this blog is to be read in the tune of Beyonce's Drunk In Love. It is the third line of the song— Now, proceed...

The first Friday in April I turned 25. Halfway to 50 ya’lllll. I’m excited for the new adventures that await me. Suddenly growing up is my reality, my normal, my NOW. It used to seem so far away— growing up. My friends are engaged, soon to be married and are doing adult like things. They are buying houses and getting joint bank accounts. WTF. It’s scary and exhilarating all at once.

I may be at a different point in life, but I’m edging towards that future all the same. It has me doing some big time reflecting. Things I’ve learned— bad decisions, good decisions, and some decisions in between. 

Your mom will always kiss your boo boos

Moms are amazing at making you feel better. When we are young that could fall into the category of slapping a bandaid on a cut, or providing comfort when a bad dream jolts you awake. As I get older I realize that this idea never changes, but evolves. Through heartache, failure, disappointment — my mom mends my troubles at every turn. I am so thankful for her guidance, friendship, and wise words. I know I’ll be hitting a midlife crisis and still calling for her help on how to do shit. Thinking of playing that role for someone else FREAKS ME OUT. I feel like I could never know enough — NAE, HOW YOU KNOW SO MUCH?

You don't even want to see me trill. 
Middle School will toughen your shit up. 

Everyone these days gets so butt hurt about EVERYTHING — like it’s probably not very PC to say butt hurt. Maybe we should send them back to middle school? Kids in MS will cut you like a knife using words alone. Gone is adorable adolescence and welcomed is a gawky awkwardness that sticks around for a MINIMUM of three years. Girls are starting to welcome Aunt Flo and soon every situation becomes a little bit more life altering than need be. Breaks ups often come from friends which is way more devastating than getting dumped by a boy. Around this time I learned that disagreements are a part of life and resolving them doesn’t have to mimic an episode of The Hills. Not everyone is going to like you — some for no good reason at all and that is ok. This is a part of life — you will not like everyone, but there are times where you have to work together and get along regardless. Remember group projects? They never really end but transition to what becomes cordial banter, office space, and sensible slacks. 

It’s funny when you think you have it all figured out in High School.

You think you know your life plan, you think you’ve found your soulmate, and you are killing it academically and athletically. OK this may be more me than you, just go with it. Singing my HS fight song in my head as I speak type. There were so many things I thought I had figured out — it is actually laughable. I wasn’t necessarily rebellious, but I didn’t give my parents enough credit on some of the advice they so desperately wanted me to take. 

Everything at this point in life is so focused on “whats next.” We have to take these classes or join this club because it will look good for college! Every move has a purpose, all centered around a future that seems extremely far away. Turns out the future isn’t that far away.

I adored High School. I don’t know if its a small town thing — but I had a lot of fun. I wouldn’t go back in time and do it over, but I really enjoyed my time at PHS. I had a great group of friends and we were so involved with extra curricular’s that we didn’t have much time to get in trouble. I am so thankful for that — it lead to more fun, new experiences in college. 

College gets philosophical and you like totally find yourself.

College was so extremely wonderful, my heart hurts even typing about how it is already over. I met some of the best people I know and realized what I wanted out of life. More importantly — who I wanted to be. No longer can you blame things on your parents. If a guy invites you to hang out you can’t say “my mom said no SRY.” You get a pass for most of the stupid things you do at this point in life. You learn to stand up for your beliefs, stand on your own, and try new things. Although, Lesbehonest — never tried any girl on girl stuff. 

You learn that it's ok to be fiercely invested in sorority or athletics because this is of great importance at this time in life. I think back on some of the debates I had or some of the things I was pissed off about and laugh at the thought of getting worked up on ideas that now seem so trivial. BUT at the time it was important to me and passion for things you hold dear is quite alright in my book. 

I learned how valuable time is. Time is more priceless than money, diamonds, or any rare treasure. It is the one resource we can never multiply. There is no DVR to life. Once each day is done—you can’t pause or rewind. Living life to the fullest is a necessity. Giving your all towards what makes you happy is something you deserve to do for YOU. 

Growing up takes a lot of googling.


I’m officially an adult. At 25 you can book a hotel room or a rental car all on your own. Car insurance rates decline because as of April 1st I was SO much more responsible than I was on March 31st — being 24, so young and naive. Benefits and a salary are things that get you all hot and bothered while on the job search. You slowly say phrases that make you outwardly gasp because it means you are becoming your parents. 

OH MY GOD.   I mean… #blessed. 

Finding a mate puts on the pressure. I’LL GIVE YOU GRANDCHILDREN EVENTUALLY MOM, STEP OFF. I feel like I’m supposed to know things, but I second guess a lot so I turn to my parents and the internet for too many things. Especially medical things. I’m too old to have my mom book appointments and I don’t want to go in the first place. According to my searches — I’ve suffered from about three pregnancies — which is impossible unless I’m the new Mary. 

Being 25 excites me. There is still so much possibility and so much room to dream about my future. I am young, but approaching a type of maturity I have never known. I know I don’t want to lose my sense of humor or my zest for life. This is something I will try to hold fast to through the ages. 

I’ll leave you with this — the most valuable lesson I have learned in life period. No one is above good old fashioned hard work. As a post grad I was ready to enter the work force and step into roles that I was not yet prepared for. BUT EMPLOYERS, LOOK AT THIS PAPER THAT SAYS DEGREE - IT COSTS WELL OVER 100,000! So thats not enough? 

I had to swallow my pride and apply for jobs that I thought were beneath my degree — and still then I wasn’t getting hired because I lacked experience. This lead to the beginning of my business. If I couldn’t find a boss the old fashioned way — I would simply become my own. 

Now I realize the importance of taking pride in what you do — whatever that may be. I work another job on top of running a business because it has to be done. I have to make money while growing the clothing entity I am so proud to call my own. If I’m making coffee — it is going to be the best damn coffee ever sipped. I will own that medium roast. I will claim those beans. Hard work will be rewarded. There may not be a time stamp on it — but positivity is sure to come from it. Work hard, push yourself, and never stop dreaming. Twenty-five years of life has made this my mantra. 



To my lovers and my haters:
Laters,