When Reality Sets In

This weekend I caught the feels. What had happened was— I allowed myself to see the latest Nicky Sparks. I watched Clint Eastwood’s fine specimen of a son play a cowboy. IT DOES NOT GET SEXIER THAN THIS PEOPLE. More specifically, his character Luke was a professional bull rider. I have never wanted to be a bull so badly in my life. 
Why do I fall in love with any Nicholas Sparks story I read and then watch? It is realistic. Kind of. The things he writes are beautiful because most are not too far fetched. They are about ordinary people with extraordinary love and that is all I could ever ask for in this life. Sadly, I feel like in my own, these types of grand gestures don’t happen. Its not that I don’t believe they can, I just feel like my version of Nicholas Sparks events have a little less spark. 

The Notebook

What Happens: Allie and Noah meet at the carnival. He is immediately drawn to her and has the balls to ask her out on the spot. (GO NOAH.) She plays hard to get until they eventually have some alone time, dance in the street and realize their chemistry is undeniable. Long story short, they end up together and have a life blessed with true love. 

What would happen if it were me: I somehow end up at the Bourbon County Fair. I have probably been talked into taking my 12 year old brother. Another towny likes what he sees. He enters the greased pig contest and wins, offering up the pig to me as a sign of affection. I hit a low and decide to become a nun. I go to a convent and try to jazz up the place. They write Sister Act 3: White Girl Got Rhythm in my honor. 

Message In A Bottle 

What Happens: Theresa finds a message in a bottle and is compelled to know who wrote it. She is a journalist and uses her resources to locate the author. Garrett, a widower who sent the letter into the sea, is who she locates. She goes to him to learn more about the man who wrote such beautiful words and they fall in love. 

What would happen if it were me: I’m browsing the rando tab on instagram. A beautiful man catches my eye. Every picture is perfection and he even has a couple captions that are really on point. I see he has an art show coming up. I think, this isn’t typically my scene - but I could use some culture! I buy a new outfit for the event, and get my hair colored and cut. I want to look and feel my best for the hard core flirting/game I am about to spit. I walk into the exhibit. I start thinking of some BS to throw out so that I can sound deep. I SPOT INSTAGUY. We make eyes and he smiles at me. EEK. Then he waves. WOW HE IS FORWARD AND I’M NOT MAD AT IT. I begin to make my way over to him when I realize someone is behind me and gaining speed quick. I pause to realize what is happening and watch as Instaguy embraces another guy. He plays for the other team. I drink 4 glasses of free wine and end up buying a piece of art. I hang it and it reminds me that we can’t always get what we want. 

The Lucky One

What Happens: Logan finds a picture of a girl during warfare. He believes her to be a type of guardian angel. He walks across the country to find her. He does, they fall in love. 

What would happen if it were me: A guy on tinder swipe rights me. We don’t talk, but recognize each other out at a bar. He comes up to me and says, with a twinkle in his eye, I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been thinking about you ever since I saw your photo, but I was too nervous to talk to you. I blush at the compliment and play with my hair in a flirty manor. I say that I am flattered and he replies that he has had a couple drinks and is now feeling comfortable to ask me something. I try to give him the eyes and tell him he can ask me anything. He comes closer, and ever so gently says “who is your friend with you in your tinder pic?” I then drink away my sorrows and finish out the night with a slice of Goodfellas and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. 

If only there was a celeb shelter like the ones they have for animals. I could go adopt Jake Gyllenhaal and all would be right in my world. Until that day comes pray for my NS ending in life and I will do the same for you.

To my lovers and my haters:

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